By this time we had been in the hospice for a week and a bit. Michael could’t talk and he would just sleep and he was having a hard time breathing and he was clamy and breathing hard I had ask the nurse “Can you please help him with something” and they said “We dont do that when you are in a Hospice. They just make him comfortable. We are having lots of vistiors to come and see him we were watching TV and just being with each other. Its evening time my sister in law she comes and sits with me and we are reading the info on the Crezfeldt Jacob Disease and She noticing he was also breathing hard.They said the his heart is trying to keep up with his body, its working hard to keep things alive I said OK . The evening was a snowy icy evening and my sister in law she left I told her to text me when she gets home. My brother ( Stephen) and come to town I gave him our car to go to our house and sleep and make sure you bring the car to me in the morning I have to work for few Hours. I didn’t sleep well that night I kept talking to Michael the nurse said he can still hear me so I did. My sister called at around 500am to 530am before she went to work to check on us. I just got off the and Michael took one look at me with his big beautiful eyes and stop breathing at 605am I will never forget the time his watched actually stopped working at that time. My brother walked in and I said Michael is gone I was sitting up crying and telling him not to go I’m not ready for you to go just stay please . I called His brothers and I asked If I could stay with him for a bit and they let I kept asking for blankets he is getting cold .The family came the each had time with him. I put on his house coat they gave me his ring ,His ring has been on my finger since then. Then it was time for him to go. That would be the last time I would see him forever.
I talking about this part because I think for anyone who had been in this position finds that its very traumatic you expect it but sometime is surreal. The things that went through my head at this time Is I will never be the same person. How do I live without you?, Life without you? How does life go on with out you. Will his family forget about me( they have never left me ,Thank goodness). What do i do next.?Thank goodness I had family helping me figure it out. Its so over whelming. Everything has changed……
My next BLOG will be about I have coped and try to find my way.I will post his video Memorial that His nephew did and his memorial pics…
I’m BLOGGING to help heal myself and maybe help someone who had been in this situation. Send a message with your story and I will psot and maybe something you ahve done can help me or someone reading
Grieving Your Soul Mate 